Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have an answering machine for my phone. Now when I'm not home and someone calls me up they hear a recording of a busy signal.

   If you are looking for khakis it's normally no big deal, but if you are from Boston and lose your khakis you need a ride home

   sure I can see the glass as half full,,,of crap!

   The strangest of all birth defects is an inability to see things my way...

   Don't get overly excited whenever someone invites you over to hangout. It coud be you are just an option for when they are bored.

   The levity of MOM saying just wait to you have kids someday and I hope they ...................................... OMG !!!!!!!!!!

   Waking up after a night out and knowing you could write The Hangover 3.

   David Guetta, NOT DEAD !!!!!!! :)

   All I want is to live in a world where kids don't lose their s*** when they see Elmo.

   If you were twice as smart, you'd still be the stupidest person I know!

   the new layout on facebook has me more confused than a baby in a strip club....wtf?

   I dont care if it is 5 min. till the bell.... I am packing up now !!!!

   Good: Your son's finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Worse: So are you

   We live in the "WTF" generation. [W]ikipedia [T]witter [F]acebook

   Yo facebook friends, My Blackberry's out so give me a wall.

   Not even Clint Eastwood could make a Segway cop look bad a$$.

   I suck at making bucket lists. Mine just says "Dog milk".

   You know what is really sad? When the only thing smart about some people is either their mouth or their phone.

   Tried to leave a voicemail for my mom but she picked up. I was forced to drop my phone into my gf's purse and shake it around for 10 minutes.

   I just got an email from Northern Tool. Turns out, it isn't about a bunch of yankee retards.