Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder what possibly could a hot dog have done to receive such attention...

   Dudes be talking that "I fear nothing but god" b.s but let a loose pitbull start running down the street.

   Me seek revenge? Nah, I don't stoop that low. I'm just gonna sit here and let karma run it's course ;)

   If you don't know what you want, you will end up with a lot of sh!t you don't want.

   The only difference between fear & excitement is your mind-set… Fear says, “Oh no! Excitement says, Oh WOW!

   Who cares, no one flys with Air Canada anyway!

   A lot of ladies use fancy face creams at night to look younger, where as I just wear my retainer and read “The Hunger Games”.

   Dear sleep, I know we had our problems when I was young... but I love you now.

   I've finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils.

   New aerobic workout: step outdoors without mosquito spray. And TRY to keep them off of you.

   Michael Imperioli is really pissed off about tequila.

   I am never satisfied, there is always room for improvement. That applies to sex too.

   wondering what Hugo Chavez is thinking right about now.

   It appears the Dog Whisperer wasn't 'calm' and 'assertive' enough during his divorce settlement negotiations. .

   I took beano in honor of earth day and I'm not gonna dump my ash tray till tomorrow...

   The hardest part about solving this Magic Eye poster is that Seal keeps telling me to stop staring at his face.

   According to a study on How to Avoid Being Defriended on Facebook: Science Unlocks the Secret..... Dont Be An A**, Yes its as simple as that !

   Prison is peculiar. All the pros are cons.

   Crayola coming out with a new color Oompa Loompa in honor of Jersey Shore and Willy Wonka

   Yesterday for valentine's day I got six numbers, one more and I'd have a complete phone number... Maybe next year.