Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Super Bowl won't be the same without Glenn Frey or Brad Delp...

   Being a human cannibal is the only job where you can be fired evey day and still keep your job :)

   Caroline Sunshine went from one mickey mouse organiation to another one.

   There's a reason why Kayne West is broke.

   Curious. If a person fails at committing suicide. Could they be charge with attempted murder?

   What happens in the shower stays in the shower....... Bet your loofah has some interesting stories it can tell

   Just because it's considered cool to recycle rubbish nowadays, it doesn't mean it's cool to give your cheating ex another chance.

   Sad news out of Ohio. The inventor or the helicopter ejection seat died from severe head trauma.

   What's the matter with you guys? Did you break your laugh box or something?

   Dear men, Life without women...... Would literally be a pain in the a$$!

   What I if told you, you read that first part wrong?

   using Just For Men on your mother in laws mustache at night wrong ? Asking for a friend ..

   It's that time of the year when stores play that rapey "Baby It's Cold Outside" song

   Me: I wish for my dog to live as long as me! Genie: Your wish is granted. You will now die in ten years. Me: Awesome! Way better than what I originally meant.

   Can't believe Gronk didn't wait until 6/9 to retire!

   Take me down to the paradise city where the salmon are jumping and the tubes are fishy

   I think I'm all done reading Facebook. Any recommendations what to read next?

   National Running Day was a success. Ran to the fridge then back to the couch. Whew! I'm exhausted.

   Somewhere over the rainbow photoshop lies.

   Alcohol? Yes. Feelings? No.