Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Tsunami? Wild Fires? Tornadoes? Hurricanes? Earthquakes?...I thought we had til 2012?

   what's for breakfast!

   You can't fix stupid, but the red hats sure makes it easy to identify.

   realizing being gay is such a happier way to live

   Question...Does a UFO remain an UFO once you identify it as a UFO?

   Barack Obama is pro-life, as long as that life is on death row!

   logged in and saw you logged in.Then I logged off and logged in 2 hours again - you were still logged in.Get A Life!OK yeah I was logged in all this time too.(feel shame)

   My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist.They kept fighting tooth and nail.

   Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

   Ann Coulter was just diagnosed with testicular cancer.

   Boy: "Can I buy you a drink?"..................... Girl: "Alcohol is bad for my legs"........... Boy: "Why? Do they Swell?".....Girl: "No, they spread."

   America... Where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.

   Thanks to "50 Shades of Grey" someones fingers smell like 50 cans of Chicken of The Sea.

   I wish TG women could get periods. Then this silliness would end in 28 days.

   Watching Fox News, but for some reason I can't figure out why Obama would shut down a bridge?

   I rather shove a wet noodle up a bobcat's ass in a telephone booth, rather than listen to another one of Trump's speaches.

   ..R.I.P - Adam Yauch, Co- Founder of the Beastie Boys

   Went on a date and didn't have sex. Now I know what the rest of you feel like.

   My Homeless Sign Would Say "I Bet You $10 That You'll Read This"

   Some thug kid stole my bike today but I didn't care cause I know I'll get him back when I download his music for free in ten years