Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   logged in and saw you logged in.Then I logged off and logged in 2 hours again - you were still logged in.Get A Life!OK yeah I was logged in all this time too.(feel shame)

   My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist.They kept fighting tooth and nail.

   Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

   Ann Coulter was just diagnosed with testicular cancer.

   Boy: "Can I buy you a drink?"..................... Girl: "Alcohol is bad for my legs"........... Boy: "Why? Do they Swell?".....Girl: "No, they spread."

   America... Where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.

   Thanks to "50 Shades of Grey" someones fingers smell like 50 cans of Chicken of The Sea.

   I wish TG women could get periods. Then this silliness would end in 28 days.

   Watching Fox News, but for some reason I can't figure out why Obama would shut down a bridge?

   I rather shove a wet noodle up a bobcat's ass in a telephone booth, rather than listen to another one of Trump's speaches.

   ..R.I.P - Adam Yauch, Co- Founder of the Beastie Boys

   Went on a date and didn't have sex. Now I know what the rest of you feel like.

   My Homeless Sign Would Say "I Bet You $10 That You'll Read This"

   Some thug kid stole my bike today but I didn't care cause I know I'll get him back when I download his music for free in ten years

   The Mayans calculated the sunrise over South America not Australia

   After all that crap I cannot belive they are back together... Who you may ask....The cheeks of my arse

   Women are NOT difficult to understand.................. They're impossible to understand.

   Congratulations Baltimore....in 100 years the Jets will be half as good...yippie!

   changing my last name to Acula, and going to become a doctor...

   Theres no I in team....but there is in TIM, because Carllos calls him "Teem"!