Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sources say Michael Flynn may have turned on Trump and become witness for FBI, or as Donald calls them, Female Body Inspectors.

   No matter how much you shake your peg...... The last drop always goes down your leg.

   Did you hear. DEMI LOVATO New song? Sober not Sober

   Since 1/20/17 I feel like I'm in the 1988 movie "The Live" and I'm one of the few people with a pair of the sunglasses.

   It’s so cute when billionaire philanthropists donate less than 1%. Bless their hearts.

   When my mother in-law said she wants to be creamated. I immediatley made her an appointment for next week.

   Ice bank mice elf.. say it real fast 10X

   if this 2nd stimulus goes through, I want this payment in pennies so I can swim in it like Scrooge McDuck

   Confucius say, man who gets high on rock, gets stoned.

   Okay. So they can make fake meat out of plants. Try really impressing us and make a watermelon out of a London Broil.

   I put the thingamajig in the whatchamacallit and turned doohickey and wuteveritis still doesn't work. Any ideas?

   Remember, it’s not actually a coup unless it comes from the coup d'état region of france, otherwise it’s just a sparkling authoritarian takeover.

   Can someone please go to MeWe and Parlor and wish them a Merry Christmas.

   If women aren’t meant to cook then why do they have milk and eggs inside their bodies

   NETFLIX Bird Box about an English ladie's privates?

   The cashier asked if I'd like my milk in a bag to whom I replied "No thanks, I think it would be easier to carry home in the container."

   One good thing about daylight savings time is the clock in my car is finally correct!

   Day 4 without a shower. I hope stink kills the virus!

   Literal Cheesy Pick-Up Line: Excuse me, are you Swiss? I'd love to check out your holes.

   How come the same people who don’t trust the government telling us to stay home all of a sudden trust the government when they tell us it’s OK to go back?