g0re Funny Status Messages

   I'm not single, I'm in a long distance relationship with this girl who lives in my future.

   The show "19 Kids and Counting" could easily be renamed "People Hoarders".

   When life hands you high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, ascorbic acid, maltodextrin, sodium acid pyrophosphate, magnesium oxide, calcium fumarate, yellow 5, tocopherol, and less than 2% natural flavors...make lemonade.

   Dear family, thanks for putting my empty cereal box back in the cabinet. now I can have disappointment for breakfast.

   yes we know you are heartbroken but please stop posting all those sad youtube songs.

   I failed my Health and Safety class test today. Apparently, when they ask you,"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin' large ones" is not the correct answer.

   Dear Santa, I don't want anything for Christmas except for the person reading this to have an amazing Christmas.

   There's always that one person who's life you can watch fall apart through facebook statuse$

   Whoever said "you can't fold a piece of paper in half 8 times" has clearly never seen me wipe my a$$ with the last sheet of toilet paper.

   Study: The act of eating, browsing the net, and listening to music with an open text book near by.

   The cheaper the phone, the harder it is to break.

   I wish I could type my mood into my iPod and it would make a playlist for me.

   I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself.

   2013: The year the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section to comedy.

   Nobody likes the guy who stands in the corner of the elevator, hoarding the buttons. Then he asks; what floor? And he smiles, like he's doing you a favor. I WANNA HIT THE BUTTON.

   How do you keep a blonde occupied for a few hours? Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator.

   Theres always that cart at walmart with an oval wheel. I'm all like "I wanna go look at games!" but its like "Nah b!tch, we're going to produce"

   Shower = 27 min. 2min. = Wash and rinse body. 25 min. = Reflection and deep thoughts about the origin of life and the universe.

   Let's face it ladies, if men walked around with b0ners you'd stare at them too.

   In the end, girls really just want one thing from guys, all of our hoodies.