Fazzy Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon In celebration of Earth Day, I'm just gonna go outside and stare at the ground for a while.
←Rate | 04-22-2020 06:57 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was on the phone earlier with a friend in upstate New York. We touched on the weather. She said, "It's wet, gloomy and mostly in the 40's. I said that sounds like my sƐx life.
←Rate | 10-13-2020 17:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone can explain to me how stealing and destroying is a panacea for easing racial tensions, I'm all ears.
←Rate | 06-01-2020 13:47 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got one of those Instant Pot gadgets for Christmas. What a load of BS. 3 days now and it hasn't produced any weed whatsoever. Instant Pot my eye.
←Rate | 12-28-2019 06:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm preemptively preparing for the upcoming pancake shortage. 🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥠žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥ž
←Rate | 06-18-2020 02:42 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pretending that looters, rioters, assaulters and arsonists are "peaceful protesters" does not make you look like a sympathizer. It makes you look like an id!ot..
←Rate | 06-02-2020 06:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon 41 shot in NYC this weekend, 77 in Chicago, 24 in Atlanta. But it's ok... no need for the media to report it. There were no police officers involved.
←Rate | 07-07-2020 14:19 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Attention! Due to the extremity of Hurricane Laura's sustained winds, the States of Texas and Louisiana have just issued a toupee' alert.
←Rate | 08-26-2020 23:04 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Betting on the Kentucky Derby is like paying for a hooker. You drop a load of cash on two minutes of excitement.
←Rate | 09-05-2020 08:46 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Okay, I've decided to come clean. The reason I sit at the kids' table on Thanksgiving is just so I can hide the green bean casserole under my grandson's plate.
←Rate | 11-23-2020 07:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The subject of entomology really bugs me.
←Rate | 03-14-2021 12:38 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a woman sends me a "Hey there, good lookin" message, you can be assured she sent it to five other guys too. Kidding. She sent it to me by mistake.
←Rate | 12-09-2019 06:56 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon How effective is the absorbency of an oak leaf? Asking for a squirrel.
←Rate | 03-15-2020 08:58 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon It finally dawned on me why I was bad at math. I noticed during school lunch that my sandwiches were only cut in half. The smart kids' sandwiches were cut into trapezoids and parallelograms.
←Rate | 01-08-2020 17:16 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once had a dog who was the best watchdog ever. Well, he WOULDA been if a vacuum cleaner broke into the house.
←Rate | 01-13-2020 03:33 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you want to know how much someone's opinion is worth, try paying your bills with them.
←Rate | 07-07-2020 07:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Despite what you may think, a unicorn isn't the most magical animal. A pig is. You feed it slop, it makes bacon. It's magic I tell you.
←Rate | 06-06-2020 22:45 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you think about it, snow is nothing more than "rain, rain go away", that doesn't go away. It lies on the ground mocking you.
←Rate | 12-15-2020 08:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Due to social correctness, BIack Sabbath will now be called, "A Dark Shade Of The Day Of Rest."
←Rate | 06-21-2020 20:30 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're traveling thru another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of dough, ricotta and mozzarella. Your next stop, the Twilight Calzone.
←Rate | 04-23-2020 08:29 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

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