Funny Status Messages

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2587

Page: 2587 of 6453

it "Pets Mart"? Or is it "Pet Smart"?

←Rate | 05-08-2011 23:27 Comments (0)

When I grew up I cussed so much that for a while I thought that soap was actually one of the four food groups

←Rate | 05-10-2011 08:09 by SEAN Comments (0)

Headline: "Police watch for sex trafficking ahead of Super Bowl." I guess the Steelers have finally arrived in Dallas.

←Rate | 02-01-2011 17:52 Comments (0)

a little disappointed that Egyptians don't walk any different from the rest of us!!!

←Rate | 02-03-2011 19:55 by Molly Comments (0)

No matter what butcher you go to, you will always get a raw deal.

←Rate | 02-20-2011 10:52 Comments (1)

BBC News: "Ice Cream Company Launches Breast Milk Flavoured Ice Cream". I wonder if they will be doing raspberry nipple.

←Rate | 02-25-2011 13:41 by lemonpillow Comments (0)

Relationships are a winter sport..

←Rate | 11-28-2011 15:00 by @RonnieChapman Comments (0)

The awkard moment when you realize Valentines day is approaching fast and the only one who loves you is your pet..

←Rate | 01-03-2012 03:53 by g0re Comments (0)

A wise man once said "_____". Fill in the blanks when you find a wise man.

←Rate | 01-11-2012 15:46 Comments (0)

All of a sudden I love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.

←Rate | 02-03-2012 15:43 by Kisstopher Comments (0)

Breaking News: Madonna just adopted Cee Lo

←Rate | 02-06-2012 20:54 by SeanyB Comments (0)

Well now I'm screwed... everyone always tells me once you go black you never go back, but I left my keys in her apartment.

←Rate | 02-10-2012 12:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

remember the good ole days when you only had to worry about creepy white guys trying to eat your face.

←Rate | 06-01-2012 16:16 by Glen Comments (0)

So I was in a banana suit earlier while I was eating a banana. I couldn't decide if it was canabalism or canabananalism.

←Rate | 06-15-2012 18:51 Comments (0)

I'm not the smartest guy, I don't have a perfect body, and this started out as a status update but is now my suicide note.

←Rate | 06-29-2012 14:31 Comments (0)

I just found some of my long lost relatives from Alabama on incestry.com

←Rate | 07-02-2012 14:08 Comments (0)

The biggest lie I tell myself: I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it.

←Rate | 05-25-2012 21:55 by BEGO Comments (0)

Sasha Gray,Bree Olsen,Lisa Ann,Lela Star,Mone Devine,Jasmine Byrne,Liz Vicious,Jade Marcella,Lavish Styles,Sky Lopez and Little Lupe......If all those names sound familiar to you I have news for you.

←Rate | 03-11-2012 22:52 by bfinest Comments (0)

Cab to go to bar: 30 dollars 4 rounds of beer to get your friend to tell you your ex is now a stripper: 70 dollars The look on your ex's face when you shove a single in her buttcrack: PRICELESS!

←Rate | 03-30-2012 17:54 by Will Comments (1)

Girls are like Jedi's, they can lift things without even touching them... if you know what I mean.

←Rate | 04-10-2012 21:13 by BEGO Comments (0)