Funny Status Messages

   Hoping people are not gonna play Pokemon Go during the Summer Olympics games in Rio... looking for Zikaachu..

   So Hillary's VP plays harmonica. That's all we need. More blowing in the Oval Office.

   I'm a nervous wreck about this election, because I'm too rude to live in Canada

   Decorating question: What color paint matches well with dust?

   I must admit, my "Kiss Me, I Have The Zika Virus" T-shirt is giving me a lot of personal space inside this subway car.

   My relationships are much like pro wrestling matches - the outcomes are predetermined and there's a good chance I'll get hit with a chair.

   How come they never sing happy birthday in the delivery room

   Canadians have their own Alcoholic program..........Eh Eh

   I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster

   I like the way your medication thinks.

   Saw a guy wearing shorts with suspenders and black socks with sandals and realized I'll never be that confident.

   Surgeon General warns taking a shot for every lie told in tonight's debate will result in acute alcohol poisoning.

   there is a room in hell where they play an endless loop of every time you told someone you loved them and they didn't say it back

   I just finished reading “50 shades of Grey” by Sherwin Williams. I don’t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.

   Omg! I just hit a woman on my bike. Just kidding.. I don't ride in the kitchen!

   Weird how 2X and 4X power dishwasher pods are the same price, like there's a market for people who only want minimal dishwashing power.

   Never hire an elecetrician with fuzzy hair

   They pudding Bill Cosby in prison

   I've been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn't cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.

   Space Force: Make the galaxy great again.