Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   GOP today: Dems never get serious abuot spending. GOP in 2011: The spending cuts we got Ds to agree to were major concessions.

   Take no prisoners...Christopher Dorner you are going down!!!

   I don't care if it's 2-1 or 64-31 aslong as it's more than double thums down i'm happy happy joy joy!

   well it's not going to suck it's self!

   My grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I don't mind him reading lips, but he uses one of those yellow highlighters.

   Native American ghosts spend Thanksgiving Day at backyard football games, tearing 40 y.o. white dudes achilles tendons.

   What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario there was a DUMBASS who didn't take it out in time.

   When I was 5 I used to be a paedophile but I guess I grew out of it.

   Just smoked some dried cat poop that I thought was weed, and now I think I'm turning Siamese!

   ┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─™ This drug is very efficient for cases of chronic boredom. Extra doses can lead to addiction 

   The price for fags have been increased by 37p. One Direction tickets now cost £40.37

   longing for the 80's. Long hair, long guitar solos, long pubes...

   ..maybe if Heavy D would of been Slightly Chubby D he might of lived and loved a little longer ;)

   I mistook a flash flood warning for a neighboring town as a “flash mob” announcement. So, when I showed up for it, I looked stupid. And my shoes got wet.

   Re: "there are only 380 million Americans" .....yes there are.... And we still RULE THE WORLD!!!

   i taught that if I made my self a few gay friends, they would have given me fashion tips.... instead they just fu*ked me .

   Use Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on e-bay?? I put in a bid for a "Mickey Mouse outfit" and now it seems I am only 15 minutes away from owning the "Saints Football Team"....

   FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS ARE AS FOLLOWS: * Wake/Viewing will be on Thurs., June 17th, 6 pm.* The funeral and burial will be at The Staples Center, 111 S. Figueroa Los Angeles, Ca. 90015..* Special invited guests include K. Bryant, D. Fisher, R. Artest, P. Gas

   Where are all the virgins that Bin Laden promised me?

   I guess the Dead Poets Society has a new member. (Too soon?)