Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just because I busted a nut it doesn't mean you made me cum

   just Manny being Manny

   Loading Swagg... ██████████████ 100% Complete.

   just heard a rumor that President Obama is going to hire Servpro (Like it never even happened) to remove the remaining water out of BP's oil in the Gulf of Mexico........

   Fact of the day: You can't spell 'prostitution' without 'STI'

   Your lips are saying "No", but your rape whistle is saying "maybe".

   Hey, NASA, do you mind looking for my son’s shoe while you’re on Mars? He’s looked “everywhere.”

   My financial advisor recommended I join a doomsday cult.

   The "Inflation Reduction Act" is about to turn the Recession into a Depression, but at least the Prozac will be cheaper.

   farting in a bottle and capping it so I can smell it again next week....

   Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeaaaa... LMFAO :D

   I bought my dog a cell phone today. It was a good deal. He gets free rollover minutes.

   Rich people can get away with it......Not Section 8.

   Just saw a pic of some light skinned black girls in thongs titled "Red Tails".

   a good night is when you hug Ur teddy ;a horror night I when the teddy hugs you back

   such a drunk I just took the Wine out of Amys house.

   Bless me father for I have sinned, my last confession was over 3 years- oh damn the roof is caving in HELLLPPPPP!"

   This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.

   Towels are a scam... think about it - a towel is only a towel, but anything that's like pants or a sheet or whatever is also a towel.

   Just caught out my Liver by drinking Water .... !