Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Obama ethics lawyer slams Ivanka hiring as unethical. You should never hire someone you want to bang.

   Who hates the trumps, especially the first lady? Google Lynn Yaeger. WOW I feel sad for her

   traveling deep into Mordor and picking up the kid's from Sauron's house.

   real eyes realize real lies

   I have 20/20 vision but i'm having a hard time reading this blurry code I have to enter online.

   Some advice guys: If your girlfriend is working out in your living room apartment, & there's a knock at the door from the tenant beneath you asking if there's live animals in the apartment, answering "pretty much" isn't such a good idea.

   's dog may be getting too old. he/she fell over when I tried to ride him/her.

   has to go pee. and soon, or it's gonna be a BP

   Michael Jordan Brand Condoms - They make sure you score." Sold at your nearest Jordan Brand Supplier.

   You look like the type of guy who enjoys a nice Fromunda Cheese sandwich.

   Hey I'm an equal opprotunist. I love blondes, brunettes, redheads, tall ones, short ones, cousins, adopted cousins...

   yo' momma's so poor, the rainbows in her neighborhood are black and white

   Next up the mine is the only non-Chilean miner in the group... They should have saved him for last.

   just taken a hit to the 'nads.... Man down!!

   everyone hs photographic memory, some just don't hv th film

   ou of coverage area, won't be back till next year.. Oups, I mean next week.

   Dont think he gonna watch the african nations cup... 347 shots and only 3 on target..?

   was like whoa this must be a dream........POKE ME!!!!!!

   now I know I havnt really prayed alot but if you're out there save me, superman

   the only thing worse than mom jeans are mom genes