Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog. (^_*)

   It's sad but Stevie Wonder's gotten so heavy he can't see his d*ck anymore.

   OK. Who was the genius that decided to call it a Porta-Potty and not a Handi-Crapper?

   A friend with weed is a friend in need of rehab.

   How much cocaine do I give a baby to make it stop crying? (Don't judge, its not my baby,

   Four people on Google give a restaurant a bad review so you won't eat there. But millions of people report bad side effects from a vaccination and you keep going back for boosters. And bringing your kids.

   I actually saw some video of where I was when I went to Haiti and the sad thing was not much had changed.

   If this rotting pumpkin of a man said or did any of this to your wife, mother, daughter you'd do all you could to stop him, right? #Vote

   phoning a friend

   According to the latest news coming out of Martha's Vineyard, Obama is blaming Bush for the 5.9 magnitude earthquake in Mineral, VA!!!

   My girl said someone is trying to get into the house, should I call 911 ? I said no call 811. Why? Cause you always call miss Dig before digging a hole!

   My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

   My yogurt just moved. Would that be Paranormal Activia.

   "Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm not." - WOMEN

   gets a kick out of "bobble-head" Obama. Kinda moves his head in a figure eight like Stevie Wonder

   Real men don't cry........ Real men point and laugh at the fag thats crying...........

   Sometimes a married man needs to cheat just to break the monogamy.

   Somebody made alot of money selling their baby to Elton John! Hope he doesn't let the "SON go down on him."

   Sorry I yelled “pull” when you released doves at your wedding this past Saturday..

   Once again, its time for me to break my foot off in your 'John-Browne Hine-Parts'. (Not sure what that means...heard it in 'Remember the Titans'....it sounds scary tho!!!)