Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   still mad at my friend for stealing my Hannah Montanna Poster! Grow up!!"

   offered in an assortment of colours.

   waking up in vegas

   Never Drink & Drive. You May Spill The Drink

   Wow Mel Gibson....did you really make 'Passion of the Christ' with that mouth and attitude...typical "holier than though" abusive man

   My size 28 girlfriend decided to go to an aerobics class, she bent, twisted, gyrated, and jumped up and down for an hour. But by the time the fat c*nt had got her leotard on, the class had finished!

   Am I REALLY the only person who thought that the national anthem's opening line was "Jose can youuu see!"  up until last year? Seriously?!!

   Wife woke up this morning and said she heard running water in her ears... I told her she may have a creek in her neck.

   Wife: Your problem is your incompetence Me: I can hold my pee just fine

   I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.

   wishes God hadn't hidden all of my talents so well.

   the alpha and omega....

   Why would you want to be reminded of how 9/11 was. That was a horrific day that I would prefer not to be reminded of.

   Elizabeth Taylor dead? I thought she had been dead for years.

   50 might be the new 40, but the hundred dollar bill is now the new twenty.

   I never understood why religion would be an excuse not to get vaccinated. I never recall God ever saying "Thou shall not be vaccinated by thy doctors".

   I bet the YMCA dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese.

   Girls who say they're in a relationship with Jesus are basically dating a guy they've never met & has been dead for over 2000 years.

   LIKE if your parents ask you to do something and you tell them you'll do it in ten minutes then you never do it.

   share love not herpes