Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just recorded his own voice as a new ringtone for my phone: "You lost me again, you are an idiot" - this ringtone gets played everytime my office number calls my cell phone.

   I think "the new G.M." should implement long-overdue improvements in their new vehicles. Like restraints in the back of all turnip trucks.

   If I'm not good at something, I never want to play it again.

   Make sure you wear clean drawls when you go to the airport!

   says that other's opinions are just other's opinions... stay true to your inner guidance and smile at all the frowns...

   My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' S

   just updated my status........TAKE THAT SOCIETY!

   my money is energizer money...... it keeps going....

   Everybody's gonna hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

   get a life is your only copyright

   .has decided that, instead of being a good example, I'll be a warning.

   Everyone is always asking something for a friend. Friends are the most curious, ignorant ba$tard$, aren't they?

   It was good to see the entire Chicagoland area come together around the Blackhawks. Watching the Cubs vs. Sox made me think... as much as it would disappoint me, I think the White Sox should leave Chicago and not come back. Its for unification.

   thinks that being the BP employee of the month must really such :/

   Toyota is just not doing it anymore, I think I feel safer in a GEO now days.

   Does anyone know the over under on people getting trampled to death at the Great Wal-Mart of China next week?

   the 1 item on my Black Friday shopping list this year is a mistletoe belt buckle for myself.

   No longer wants to be a Vampire driving a Volvo or a Werewolf driving a Volkswagen it's all about a Wizard on a Broomstick.......

   wondering about Over under on the WikiLeak punk 'making friends' with his prison cell mate? I'll open the line at 1 month.

   Ahoy! wanted t' put Pirate as one o' my speakin' languages, Arrhg! Scallawags!