Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yeah, keep complaining about the new Facebook. Unless you PAY FOR IT, I don't think any of us have the room to complain.

   Fri(END), Boyfri(END), Girlfri(END), Bestfri(END). Everything has an END except...Fam(ILY)! <3 Love and take care of eachother...

   Error 404: Jesus not found.

   hates what you're wearing

   I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

   Establish dominance at a restaurant by bringing your own menu.

   My son just chose his university, which means for the next five years I’ll have two kids attending college. Naturally, this morning I did some financial planning…marking the convenience stores I plan to rob.

   A couch nap with a little kid on your stomach is the best sleep you can ever have. It’s like a weighted blanket whose college you gotta pay for.

   The worse name that trump has ever given to someone is Don jr.

   i decided to go to church for the first time ever this morning...just to laugh hysterically...yeah...i was quickly kicked out...

   diputs leef uoy edam I sey <--Now read it backwords

   80% of people reading this will not find the the mistake in this A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z.

   Women aren't panicking about the gas shortage...they've been riding around on E all the time.

   I can't believe people are watching SOCCER!! It's a bunch of guys running around like crazy, and NEVER scoring! It just reminds me of my high school years!

   The government knew those planes were coming!!!! why not shoot them

   Why do people think that Jesus is coming back? It's not like he was nailed to a f-kin boomerang

   wondering why when you type facebook on facebook it underlines it red as if to say you spelled it wrong. Seeeee, it did it again!! Twice!! I found the "glitch" in the Matrix..Woot

   If I dont fall asleep soon I'm going to jump off this 5 story books..

   Sober ________ and Drunk _________ don't talk. Someone please fill me about last night.

   pretty sure Osama was armed.... Pretty sure he had to freakin legs too.