Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5907 of 6453

''Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.'' - Jesus flirting in a bar
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12-09-2012 14:43
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What's so appealing about the confederate flag? I just don't get it.
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02-22-2021 10:21
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asked Santa Claus for a boyfriend this Christmas... He gave me a rain check instead... lol :)
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12-23-2009 18:29
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Roses are red My love for you is twisted Bend over my darling You're gonna get fisted
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01-31-2014 11:48
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What's that you say? I can't hear you over my free health care and worldly education. Douchebags!

she is too tired to be clever for her status.

obama hears a hu
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01-20-2011 05:53 by schiz
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what with all this god stuff, Stop it . Get a life you must be a myspace person.
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01-10-2011 06:28 by lyn
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a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect

Accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of chapstick. Shestill isn't talking to me.
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05-07-2021 10:42
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I wear my heart on my sleeve, my kidney on my pants, help I don’t think this surgeon is licensed
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05-10-2021 09:26
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Oh man! I just heard Obama is coaching our team tonight.. Some public relations gimmick. He's giving the opposing team our quarterback, wide recievers and linebackers in the interest of spreading the wealth around.. :-/
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10-01-2011 17:37
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wants a sham wow
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02-20-2009 15:13
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Why is it that Every time I use a plunger, it feels like I am giving my toilet CPR?
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09-16-2021 10:11
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whistling a merry tune
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11-22-2008 18:12
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thought I saw a puddy cat!
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04-26-2009 20:22
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Christmas Card $3.00 Brand new "Shrek" dvd $20.00 Gift wrap $2.00 The look of disappointment in a childs face when you tell them santa isn't real - PRICELESS !!!
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12-14-2009 08:23 by Mile187
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Turtles are like toasters, if you throw unicorns at them, Dishwasher.
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04-16-2012 23:12
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A little known fact from the Bible is that between his resurrection and his ascension into heaven, Jesus ate nothing but brains.
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04-20-2014 16:06
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People on the plane, rained mainly on Ukraine
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07-22-2014 12:52
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