Funny Status Messages

   Props to all the women who don't have to dress like a slut to get attention from men, stay classy... The rest of you come with me...

   Despite always being pictured as old men most "Founding Fathers" were actually young men during their historic roles in 1776. Alexander Hamilton was 21, Madison was 25, James Monroe was 18, and Thomas Jefferson was 33!!!

   Hey Moms and Dads! Here's a fun game to play: When your kid gets home from school, be lying on the floor screaming in pain, "YOU STEPPED ON A CRACK!"

   Just sprayed "Sheer White Cotton" air freshener in the bathroom. Now, it smells like sheet.

   Just ordered "coffee" off the Starbucks secret menu.

   How long can I stay in a voting booth and scream "I'M STILL THINKING!!!!" before I'm physically removed? Let me know by November.

   I don't drink to forget, I… what was I saying?

   i think the funniest thing in the world is my dad leaving me a msg on my cell thinking that I can hear him and actually pick it up...

   Some people are as useless as a "Sign in" button for Myspace.

   Kinda sad that future generations wont get the joy of watching scrabbled porn..."Is that a boobie or an elbow??...Hmm I dont know but it's gonna have too do"...

   My dog could have just asked for smoke instead of eating the whole pack.

   The difference between "INVOLVED" & "COMMITTED" is like an Egg & Bacon Breakfast, the chicken was INVOLVED and the pig was COMMITTED.

   I can't say "rural" and its really frustrating

   Harold Camping's response......appears to be nonexistent at the moment. Maybe he's in hiding, totally embarrassed by failure or he is at the bank counting his money.

   Once a pun a time, I used to be terrific at wordplay.

   was at a house recently of some people I didn't like when life afforded me the opportunity to empty their bottle of sexual lubrication and replace it with hand sanitizer, On the bright side they should be 99.9% Germ free

   any1 know how to turn your body clock off?? this is just gettin ridiculous at this stage

   "You can add 'Find & kill Osama' to the list of things that happened since Cubs last won World Series."

   Are you ready, boots? Okay, well, let me know when you're ready.

   Why do they report power outages on TV?