Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If a woman ever asks you if you know what your problem is, don't answer. It'll only make it worse.

   Never sure if a girl is hot or just that her massive sunglasses are blocking her face.

   Of all the people I turn down for sex, I think my husband’s my favorite

   Gotta [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] to make you Holler

   Ok, it's 2010...Where the hell is my jet pack?

   wondering if she should make an effort and pass her exams in case the world isnt ending in 2012

   Happy hump day! And no I don't mean Wednesday...

   Miley Cyrus awarding best original song at the Oscars...Irony defined?

   Heading out to do laundry with a roll of quarters in my pocket. I hope I dont run into anyone I am happy to see.

   the most successful people are those who are good at plan B.

   never knew Un Dos Tres were count of men. today ricky martin, tmrw jonas brothers!

   now answering the phone at work with the following greeting: "Mercy Hospital, Psychiatric Ward, Dr. Lechter speaking..."

   will take "same sh*t different day" for $200.00, please

   was initially SHOCKED to here the statistic that "they" say 40% of fathers still pay for their daughter's whole wedding..........but then after some pondering I realized it's probably a small price to get additional women out of the house.......

   I hate to admit it but i'm in a really dark place right now... oh wait.... found the light switch... phew! never-mind :

   Sexy Mode [ON] OFF

   When I was young, we didn't have MTV. We had to take drugs and go to rock concerts.

   The purpose of fruit flies; to make people look insane, grabbing at the air like they are hallucinating.

   Paul the Octopus just got hired by the CIA ...

   Imagination is intelligence having fun.