Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you have to SNEAK to do it, LIE to cover it up, or DELETE it to avoid it being seen then maybe you SHOULDN'T be doing it anyway.

   Don't forget comic relief this year. Just R50 can help a disabled African learn the difference between an intruder and a girlfriend.

   I'm me. I like me. It took me a while to realize it, but I have no other choice. I'm stuck with myself.

   The kids down the street have challenged me to a squirt gun fight. I'm just killing time updating my FB status while I wait for the kettle to boil.

   I don't like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I'm leaving!

   Nobody ever lost money overestimating the fatness of Americans.

   'What would I do without you?' is such a stupid question to ask. Because all I need to do is what I was doing before you came along and complicated my existence.

   I'm not needy. I'm wanty!

   1.- Open YouTube website 2.-Type "do the Harlem Shake" and click search 3.-Don't click anything just wait and see what happens lol

   Leadership is a privilege to better the lives of others. It is not an opportunity to satisfy personal greed.

   i broke 2 mirrors in the same day, so i'm going to assume it's good luck because two negatives make a positive, right?

   If a dog gave birth to puppies near the road can it be cited for littering ?

   I lost my mood ring and now I don’t know how I feel about that.

   Don't die a virgin. Seriously, there are terrorists up there waiting for you.

   you know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.

   has discovered that telling a girl you don't have any sores isn't the best way to get her to kiss you.

   I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

   A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

   it me, or Monday comes around and your sleepy throughout most of the workday, but after what feels like 5-hours in rushhour traffic, you have enough energy for a Party with free drinks?

   Did I already do my deja vu joke?