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Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Timex and Tampax should get together and invent something to let guys know its her time of the month.
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06-05-2012 14:18 by
Marshall the Great
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Girl's facebook status: I'm done with this sh!t.. Me: Did you wipe?
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06-05-2012 14:20 by
Baddie
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My boss reminds me of a caged bird. He comes out flapping and squawking, sh*ts on everything and leaves.
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06-05-2012 14:24 by
Marshall the Great
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I've just bought myself a hyena. Finally my jokes will be appreciated.
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06-05-2012 14:25
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A guy with a gun enters a bar. "Who the f*ck had sex with my wife?" he snarled. A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets!"
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06-05-2012 14:26 by
Marshall the Great
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The second Pop-Tart exists solely to hammer home the self-loathing initiated by the first Pop-Tart.
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06-05-2012 15:15 by
SuthernFukr
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When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for 2?" I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see him too?"
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06-05-2012 15:45 by
SEAN
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The best way to make a long story short is to tell it on Twitter.
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06-05-2012 15:46 by
Marshall the Great
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trying to act happy when no money falls out of your bday card! :(
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06-05-2012 16:03 by
natedogg
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only dead fish go with the flow!
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06-05-2012 16:08 by
natedogg
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if you cant afford to go on vacation,u can always drink until you dont know where you are
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06-05-2012 16:10 by
natedogg
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just read 1 in 5 people pee in the swimming pool...WTF, thats what the hot tub is for...
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06-05-2012 17:33
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Someone at work said something very funny today so I walked over to their desk, gave them a sharp poke in the ribs and said "LIKE".
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06-05-2012 17:53
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Endless Love: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.
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06-05-2012 18:31
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I just went out and witnessed the transit of venus.. Now I have no retinas...
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06-05-2012 19:00 by
timboss
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Shoved my cat in the garbage disposal and accidentally wrote the new Skrillex album.
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06-05-2012 19:36 by
Doc Noland
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I refuse to join your birthday calendar cult!
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06-05-2012 19:37 by
@funky_monkey
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Not saying I'm in dire need of affection but the next girl I date better be an octopus on ecstacy.
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06-05-2012 21:11 by
Doc Noland
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Contrary to what the facebook status box says, please do NOT "let it all out".
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06-05-2012 21:33
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Kids today will never know the pain of the Dewey Decimal system and how to catalog library books on index cards.
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06-05-2012 22:07 by
BEGO
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