Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In high school I was voted "most likely to succeed". Boy, did I prove those idiots wrong!

   Nicholas Cage is the Nickleback of actors.

   I don't think Chumbawumba is getting back up this time.

   Newt Gingrich bows out of Presidential race to focus on being the world's largest high-fructose corn syrup storage silo.

   I like songs that list a lot of things then have a chorus about the end of the world that's on fire as we know it & it's always burning.

   Turns out, “Dress for the job you want," does NOT mean you should show up to a job interview in footie pajamas.

   wish I had spidey powers...i would shoot a web from my ana! glan and build a house

   Water companies suggest reusing your bath water to help with the drought . I tried it , My cup of tea was f8@king awful ....... !!!

   After all the whinning and complaining about Obama... Is this the best the GOP has to offer?? PATHETIC! Get ready for another socialist 4 years, next time propose or attempt to compromise,

   I want to pick up a hitchhiker before I die. Not like right before I die, but you know.

   You are limited by what you settle for.

   Women always say they can do whatever a man can do. I bet they can't tuck their balls between their legs.

   You win some, you booze some.

   Lady GaGa was born this way 8======D

   I hate it when pedestrians get all up in my grill.

   Loud music is cheaper than a psychiatrist..

   In high school I was voted most likely to travel back I'm time. By the class of 2025.

   Just walked into a McDonald's and refilled my soda cup from yesterday without paying. Thug life.

   I'm not crazy. Sheldon's mom had me tested.

   If I were rich I wouldn't be shaking this ketchup bottle so hard. :/