Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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If I died and went to Hell, it would take me at least a week to figure out I wasn't at work anymore. 
Some DJ keeps calling my phone and leaving me mixed messages.
I was in a bar the other night, moving from stool to stool trying to get lucky... but there wasn't gum under any of them."
GOP budget to slash disease research? Now we'll NEVER find a cure for Bieber Fever!
I can never plug in a usb correctly the first time, I have to flip it like 17 times before it finally goes in.
"Just kidding!" is one of the biggest lies there is.
Too many kids don't know what it's like to enjoy a book the old-fashioned way (watching the movie version on VHS the night before a test).
disney has women looking for their handsome prince. dreamworks is more accurate with the ugly ogre
conficious says it takes many nails to build a crib but only 1 SCREW to fill it
the earlier you start doing anything in your life, the less it affects you as you grow older...
And the Dalai Lama says to me, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me,... WHICH IS NICE !!
it just co-incidence that they chose the most one dimensional movie of the "Star Wars" franchise "The Phantom Menace" to make into the first 3D movie ?
This delicious brownie just accepted my friend request!
No one ever wants to hear monster mash this time of year
Never fails. Always behind the person filling out a mortgage at the ATM machine
An error occurred while not trying to add your sorry a$$ to my database. Please try again later.
Bad reaction to medication. I will never buy my meds from the trunk of a Buick again!
sweet old lady in front of me driving the lincoln, smoking with one hand and texting with the other, please stop hitting your brakes because I am gonna spill my beer
"Just kidding!" is one of the biggest lies there is.
Kelly Ripa and KrIsten Chenoweth are made from 100% recycled Dolly Parton scraps.
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