Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Black History Month should be called "Four Weeks Of Morgan Freeman's Voiceover Work"

   "Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I'm doing nothing right now... it's totally possible.

   ..We can learn a lot in life from our crayons we had as kids; some are dull, some are bright, and they are all different colors, but they have to learn to live in the same box..(",)

   Froget Punxsutawney, I'm predicting March 21st.

   If I get one more game or app request, or send me one more farmville request I will kill all your animals and burn your crops and smoke them, then delete your ass!!!

   Snookie's got more hip than a potamus!

   They say your sex drive decreases with age. Yes, I may do less driving, but now I get better mileage.

   its hard not to notice that a woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in 5 minutes" are exactly the same!

   Forget dude below me and the damn rodent. I'm predicting winter will last until March 20, 2012, at 1:14 A.M. (EDT)

   I'm finally rich! I have...Silver in my hair, gold in my teeth, crystal in my kidneys, sugar in my blood, lead in my ass, iron in my arteries ans an inexhaustable supply of natural gas!

   If Trump's hair sees its shadow NBC gets 6 more seasons of celebrities pretending to respect him.

   Does it count as naked if you're wearing a hat? I say yes.

   You should never care what other people think of you. Unless you're a dude who wears sandals.

   Human nature is demonstrated perfectly by our eagerness to chant "Air ball!" in unison.

   Ok Mr Bum on the red light knocking on my window, there's a reason why I am pretending to text on my phone.

   Where's everyone at? I need other people ideas.

   Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.

   You don't need training to be a garbage collector. You just pick it up as you go along.

   It's Ok to kiss a fool, it's ok to let a fool kiss you, but never let a kiss fool you

   off is the general direction in which I wish you would f°°k!