Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I feel better now that I have my Facebook friends ranked in descending order of who I'd eat in the event of a food shortage.

   Wait, it's "let it go"? I thought it was, "If you love something, drop it off a building." Boy, have I been doing that wrong.

   Limbo, Gluttony, Greed, Anger, Heresy, Violence, Fraud, Treachery - The eight circles of hell when visiting a Walmart. Lust is at Best Buy.

   Facebook is STILL insisting that I might know Fred Savage. What- do they think I'm a goddamn superhero or something?!

   A lady working at our bank walks with the cutest limp ever. I often fantasize about her naked, walking in a big counter clockwise circle.

   If someone says they "rescued" a dog, immediately kidnap it so they can perform another heroic rescue, since they're into that.

   SOPA: Stop Oversighting Public Activity!

   Uh oh. Wikipedia is going black that means it's never coming back.

   Walking around with a clipboard and suit on..Makes me feel very important...Even tho I'm not doing anything besides just walking around.

   Found my wife's vibrator the other day. Now I'm not saying it was big but I'm seriously thinking about entering it in Robot Wars.

   I drink heavily on the weekends so I can be able to deal with my workmates during the week.

   I am still wondering when exactly do I become an adult?

   Watching a funny movie after a scary one to try to reduce the risk of nightmares.

   FACEBOOK: Where sluts complain about other sluts being sluts.

   Here's a bit of advice: advi

   People who create their own drama, deserve their own karma

   BREAKING: Internet Blackout Forces Millions to Interact with Other People

   there really a benefit to listening to a Hip Hop CD in shuffle mode?

   anyone else worried that if Wikipedia goes black, it'll never go back?

   Since Wikipedia is in blackout today, in protest of online anti-piracy laws, can anyone tell me where the G-Spot is?