Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trying to understand quantum physics. Cause trying to understand women is just too damn hard.

   I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone's lawns so freshly mowed.

   Do you think they will have an end of the world sale?

   Can someone please tell me why Johnny Depp has an British/Irish/ or something European accent??? The man is from KENTUCKY... Not Ken-toh-kay... but KEN-Yeee Haw-TUCKY!!!

   Happy Birthday to one of the greatest athletes EVER ..Muhammad Ali ...Happy 70th

   You can steal my status if you like but just know I lick each one before I post them!

   Wondering if there will be an 'End of the World Sale'

   Fuzzy, shaved, hairy, landing strip, brazilian, I love them all..

   happier than a Puppy wagging two tails !

   Trying to Fool me is like trying tosneak Sunrise past a Rooster !

   Er, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little bit faster or buy a damn belt.

   The three magic words EVERY woman loves to hear, “You were right.”

   Some people can rely on their personality for birth control.

   People who go to the liquor store and buy a pint of whiskey are poor planners… what are you going to drink tomorrow?

   Like you've never tried using the Force to reach the remote.

   Obama to visit Disney World on Thursday. I was there last week and a Cast Member told me villains didn't make appearances much anymore!

   Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee....today is my birthday and I am 70!!

   in A & E after swallowing Lego. They don't seen worried but I'm sh1tting bricks 

   People sometimes say that 'motivation doesn't last', But neither does Bathing... That's why we recommend it daily.

   I'm sorry, but any man who says his Wedding Day is the happiest day of his life has obviously never scored an over-head kick on FIFA 12.