Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Southers New Year's tradition is to eat black eyed peas, hog jowls or ham hocks, and collard greens on New Year's .

   Thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, then realized it said "THICK CUT"

   People who don’t know the difference between your and you’re need to get there grammer act together.

   Had the most amazing dream of my life last night I feel as if was like a revelation that could change my life and possibly the lives of millions of people around the world for the better forever! if I could just remember what it was about?

   transparent- noun, when your child is transgender, you are their transparent

   When it's all said and done, the world in Endgames was saved by a rat.

   Greta brought to you by who eles used blonde hair girls with braids

   The only true anonymous donor is the guy who knocked up your daughter.

   So a high school 1st year asked me if I knew the symbol compound of Hydrogen Sodium....I said NaH...

   After a news briefing outside the white house. trump and president Macron walked away holding hands. What's up with that

   I’m feeling great. Almost feel like I can have choke sex again

   What do you call a nun with a sex change operation....... A tran-sister

   I overheard that ABC is not cancelling Roseanne but is seamlessly going to replace Roseanne with Danny Devito

   There's no place like space. There's no place like space. There's no place like space. Oh aunty Em.

   🎵Two bros, sittin' in the hot tub, 5 feet apart 'cause they're not gay!🎵

   If it wasn't intended for you to have a midnight snack. There would not be a light in the fridge.

   I'm downtown and my prescription for my glasses just ran out...now I can't find my F#$@%^ing Car..

   At the job interview today, they asked me why I left my last job. I said, "Well, the boss asked if he could see me in his office." I said, "Only if he got fired or was transferred."

   Fun At The Office Tip: Eat an Easter egg on the Friday after Easter, then wait for the employees to start an office pool named, "What crawled up your a$$ and died?"

   Im offended by sexual terms. I think I'll post pictures on the internet of myself depicting a terr0rist group.