Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why don't people scream when they get stabbed in movies?

   OK 2016 there are still a few days left ... so I nominate Hillary and the Kardashians just to ballance things out ...

   Too bad these communist Russians cannot hack their economy and make it great.

   I thought it was cool when Superman visited Bizarro World where up is down and yes is no. But in a comic book. Not the White House.

   The reason Trump won't release his tax returns is religious. He doesn't want us to mock his profit.

   The bright side of Trump eradicating the ozone layer is even with melanoma and retinal cancer, we can all enjoy the pretty polluted sunsets.

   Who has no heart, brains or courage? The tinman, scarecrow and lion. Who did you think I meant?

   The DNC is going to be so interesting that BLM leaders are going to stop shooting Africans to watch.

   the bad news for The Donald is that p#ssy is one of the few things that sticks to teflon

   I'm thinking of opening up a restaurant called "meatballs and tea" and have billboards on the highway advertising it with the slogan "even if you don't like our balls, you can still come in for a tea bag"

   Hey! Who remembers seeing men on tv ripping phone books in half? Hey! Who remembers phone books? Hey! Who remembers men?

   I shouldn’t repeat idle gossip from the neighbors but I just heard arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf

   My wife is now fully vaccinated so I use her as a human shield wherever we go]

   The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 7 hours of sleep.

   Peter Fonda died. Let me guess, Hilary killed her too?

   Actually, Trump didn't fire the entire pandemic response team in 2018 because he hated Obama. But I do remember when their planned budget cut happened so they could focus on real issues. Coronavirus lies.

   Like most hard working Americans, Trump should be allowed to fly a private jet to his personal golf course and palatial estate at the taxpayers expense without. Everyone getting crazy.

   A woman is not an object, do not treat it like one!!

   Melania Trump denies breaking immigration laws, claims she was born in Chicago and graduated from Princeton.

   Ann Coulter only flies Southwest, because "bags fly free".