Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Lets AGREE to DISAGREE.. because you're too f*ckin stupid to understand me!

   In the absence of information, people make sh!t up. Worse, if they feel threatened, they make sh!t up that amplifies their worst fears.

   Don't go knocking on the devil's door and expect him NOT to answer

   Calories(noun)-Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sewyour clothes a little bit tighter every night.

   I make good girls go back to the ex they still have feelings for.

   Every girl has a slutty friend.....and if you people were any kind of friend at all, you would introduce me to yours

   The severity of an itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

   blackberry crashes around the world ministerially!!! well 4 days in heaven and already working on the competition, good job steve :)

   I feel like a Tampon today...In a good place at the wrong time.

   great.... Oprah is interviewing Rosie O'Donnell tonight on OWN. tune in if you ever wondered what a Double Stuffed Oreo sounds like

   I have decided that I am going to win the Nobel Peace Prize, and I don't care who I have to kill to do it.

   celebrating columbus day with a home invasion.

   I hate when I walk through a metal detector and my abs of steel set them off.

   I'm collecting every toy that the neighbors kid throws in my yard, I already have tons of Christmas presents for my nieces and nephews this year!

   You're the joke, I merely provide the punch line..

   Water does not collect on TOP of a hill, take the damn bucket up there yourself! Stupid Blonde!!! ~ what Jack should have said to Jill

   I've really got to quit telling people about my wedding. The guest list is out of control & the Bride may not even have been born yet!

   i totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger

   (Continued) DASANI (part of the COCA-COLA company) water bottles. After a long day of protesting they'll get in their CHEVY, FORD, GM vechicles powered by gasoline from EXXON/MOBIL, CHEVRON, CONOCO/PHILLIPS and will stop and eat at MC DONALD'S, SUBWAY, TA

   I think it is hilarious that the Wall St. protestors hate big corporations, carring signs made with posterboard and markers they bought at WALMART, while wearing their GAP jeans, taking pictures with their MOTOROLA or AT&T camera phones, and drinking from