Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Spring is almost here! Happy people walking, kids playing outside, dog sh!t everywhere.....Life is grand!

   Who wants to put on a bear costume and tear apart the tents of people camping outside a Best Buy for Black Friday?

   People say I’m sarcastic but I’m just investigating the effects of irony on morons.

   Colorado Legalizes Marijuana and peyton manning buys 20 papa johns stores in Colorado! some people just get it!

   I'm glad Lassie wasnt my dog. I just want to watch TV, I don't want to be constantly rescuing people.

   One good thing about Twitter is that it keeps all annoying people away from Facebook.

   Headline: Aussie coast fears rogue shark may have killed 3 people. - Rogue shark? Ok, who's house are you swimming in? That's his domain. Perhaps more accurately the head line should be, Rogue swimmers caught by shark and eaten.

   I think I'd takes Joan Rivers opinions on how people look more seriously if she didn't look like something that sits on a ventriloquist's lap.

   Trusting people these days should totally be the new adventure sport.

   If elected President, I would give out free window tint to all those people who sit at traffic lights and insist on picking their nose..

   7 Billion people, 14 billion Faces.

   People who can't find happiness aren't in a liquor store

   Never mess with quiet people. You never know what they're thinking, and it could just be where to hide your body

   Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards

   Sometimes I run alongside trains, tearfully waving, just so people will think I have a girlfriend.

   How come we always hear about what's happening on Wall Street and Main Street. What about what's happening on Sesame Street? People live in trash cans there.

   a new report found that Facebook greatly reduces people's attention thingys whatever

   This whole "Cup half empty, Cup half full" argument should state what is IN the cup before people start judging!!

   A drunk man speaks what a sober man thinks.

   I'm not really anti abortion, I'm more pro stupid people not having babies...