Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I really admire people who exercise. This cake is dedicated to you.

   There is a big difference between drinking to get drunk and drinking to stay warm, and HR needs to learn that difference.

   When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.

   I am never affected, moved or swayed by the sheer numbers of people in any particular group for I know that even idiots and fools know how to congregate.

   Some people deserve to get eggs thrown at them. Brick shaped eggs....made of bricks.

   People who say they don't have any problems are lying to you, but at least give them credit for not telling you about them.

   I'm always hearing stories of people posting "Inappropriate" pics on Facebook....Why are none of YOU showing me nude pics my friends????

   Don't you find those people who keep updating how many days to christmas annoying? Anyway it's 37 days to christmas.

   Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy

   Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.

   Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.

   People are busting my balls because I still have a landline. I can't get rid of it though because it matches my abacus....

   Making all day plans on the weekend always sounds fantastic. Right up until the time my alarm goes off and I remember I hate getting up early on weekends and I don't really like other people.

   I really do wish there was a pause button in life, like those twix commercials when you "need a moment?" I would smack the shet out of some people and they would have no idea what hit them!

   always snickers when people say their computer went down on them.

   If we could eavesdrop on every conversation people had about us, I'm pretty sure that none of us would have any friends.

   hates people who feel like the "12 items or less" sign at the supermarket doesnt apply to them

   People who say "If I disappeared, no one would notice" are wrong. Anyone who actually saw you vanish would be pretty freaked out.

   You Need To Realize if you take Facebook seriously. People won't take you seriously.

   As I get older, I've learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I'm drunk.