Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I came home drunk last night and my wife looks at me says"Drunk Again" and I said "Me Too!!

   If you love someone, set them fee. If they don't come back, call them up later when you're drunk.

   It is amazing how many people have bad reactions to gluten, peanuts, and facts.

   F*CK! I'm so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.

   That's the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good life.

   Sometimes, I wish I could delete other people's Facebook Status updates.

   My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum today. Its her or FaceBook. You people better be worth it.

   People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies

   Q. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A. We better get some support or people will think we're nuts.

   People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"

   When I was a kid people who wore there hat crooked, pants half off, and shoes untied rode the short bus!

   Think back to 1850. California became a state. The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. Nothing has changed, except then women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands!

   i realized I was getting old today when I discovered my first grey pubic hair."Dont worry, I wasnt as freeked out as the rest of the people in the elivator", I got over it...

   Facebook prank #23: Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on...

   Women are the only people who can go out broke and come home drunk.

   Why are the people in herpes commercials always so chipper and happy? Does the pill make them forget they have herpes?

   People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

   A lot of problems would disappear if people talked to each other more than talking about each other.

   Hey, people who name things. Good job on "waiting room." Really spot on.

   Text from hubby: Wanna go to Lowe’s and get a new toilet seat tonight? Me: Hell yeah! In your face single people. IN. YOUR. FACE.