Jeff Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon saw a billboard sign that said: NEED HELP, CALL JESUS 1-800-555-3787 Out of curiosity, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
←Rate | 05-13-2010 16:17 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the woman at WalMart with all those screaming, unruly kids. I slipped a large box of condoms in your cart when your head was turned. You are so welcome!
←Rate | 08-19-2010 14:22 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon The movie "The Social Network" about facebook earned 9 million dollars in sales Friday night to top all movies. Imagine what they could have done if those veiwers had dates!
←Rate | 10-02-2010 14:22 by Jeff Comments (2)  

   messageicon Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
←Rate | 08-10-2010 00:57 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man gets on a plane with 6 kids. The flight attendant asks, "Are these your kids?" The man replies, "No, I work for Trojan and these are customer complaints!"
←Rate | 09-15-2010 01:02 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon Uh oh...just saw the little devil from my left shoulder drop kick the little angel off my right shoulder a minute ago...this can't be good.
←Rate | 08-14-2010 10:03 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon Good moms let you lick the beaters...great moms turn the mixer off first!
←Rate | 05-25-2010 23:01 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid people who wore there hat crooked, pants half off, and shoes untied rode the short bus!
←Rate | 02-01-2011 10:05 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
←Rate | 08-12-2010 18:36 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon the pill...... the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy
←Rate | 06-23-2011 12:22 by jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just saved a bunch of money on my Mental Insurance by switching to Psycho!
←Rate | 08-20-2010 21:46 by Jeff Comments (2)  

   messageicon Somewhere in Florida, a strip club just gained an employee.
←Rate | 07-05-2011 17:19 by jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon there has to be a woman out there thinking to herself right now..." man I wish someone would pick me up like a bowling ball"
←Rate | 06-06-2011 19:17 by jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whew, I wasn't aware pumpkin carving was that much work. Whatever happened to a couple eyes, a nose and a mouth?
←Rate | 10-18-2010 21:37 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon ran 2.7 miles today. apparently the ice cream truck doesnt have rear view mirrors.
←Rate | 06-27-2011 14:58 by jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you are 17, and still dressing up and coming to my house for Halloween, you sure as hell better say "Trick or Treat" and "Thank You" like the little kids do.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 19:37 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blind hookers...ya gotta hand it to em!
←Rate | 09-20-2010 16:02 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon I knew Brett Favre was in for a long year when he threw that interception in the Wrangler commercial.
←Rate | 09-20-2010 11:14 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everyday I'm shoveling!
←Rate | 01-03-2012 19:53 by Jeff Comments (0)  

   messageicon the S or the C silent in the word scent?
←Rate | 04-09-2016 23:43 by Jeff Comments (0)  

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