Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Other people's children are my form of birth control.

   People go to the bar hoping for two things...to get hammered or to get nailed.

   sometimes when people are talking to me I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them right in the face

   Some people are flirting with my delete & block button.

   People who try to test my patience don't realize it's an exam I don't plan on passing

   Why can't my coworkers just play on their phones like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.

   Costco Because married people deserve to go on dates too.

   Facebook, where people can pretend to be everything they really aren't to the friends they really don't have.

   Reality is for people who can't afford high speed internet.

   Anyway, I didn't see a debate. I saw two grumpy old married people arguing at Wal Mart.

   Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"

   women are the only people I know who can go out broke and come home drunk.

   Homeless people's dogs must think, "Damn, this is the longest walk ever!"

   this status update is dedicated to all the status-less people out there, stay strong

   Why give second chances when there are people waiting for their first?

   There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say “What happened?”.

   I love how people b*tch on h3re about stealing a stat from a webs!te or a person. Like, WTF are you doing on T Js anyway? I'm pretty sure your h3re to steal a stat.

   Valentine's Day is for people who lack the imagination to be romantic during the rest of the year.

   People that drive below the speed limit are the same people that are never invited to parties.

   I ask Google all the questions I'm too embarrassed to ask other people.