Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   You'll never be around more people that want to kill you than when you walk into a restaurant 5 minutes before they close.

   Facebook: a place where people announce their problems to the world but not to the person they have a problem with.

   People!! I have been watching the news the last few days. Now, I never took journalism class, but I'm petty sure "Don't Interview Traumatized Children" came right before "Learn To Spell".

   I'm not rude...I just wasn't taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can't stand.

   Why do people put their relationship status as " its complicated "??  We all know that means ur single but still doing ur ex.. why advertise that???

   I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?

   Turns out people can still hear you even if you're wearing sunglasses.

   People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.

   People are not mirrors, They see you completely differently than the way you see yourself.

   The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

   Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

   it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on facebook people that you do know, but deliberately choose not to be friends with?

   It's great that they're searching for Amelia Earhart again,, But I think we've got to brace these people,, there's a good chace she's not alive

   i don't understand why people fly virgin airlines, why would you want to fly on an airlines that doesn't go all the way

   wondering why when the best actors are chosen by actors it is called the Oscars, but when the best actors are chosen by regular people it is called an election.

   In an elevator I like to pull out a picture of myself and ask people "have you seen this person?"

   People don’t realize how hard it is to write stupid things on a regular basis.

   Am I the only one that believes people without kids should get a "No-Child Tax Credit"... I mean I'm over here not overpopulating the world.. Think I deserve a lil something back for that... Yall Welcome!

   They say 1in every 3 people cheat in a relationship. I'm not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.

   I think you scientists did a great job of making old people's d-i-c-k-s hard. How 'bout you guys take a look at cancer and stuff now.