Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody's drunk in the kitchen.

   Immature = a word, boring people use to describe fun people

   todays to do list.. 1) buy a sword. 2) name it kindness. 3) kill people with kindness.

   people will believe anything if you whisper it.

   Whenever people are speaking a different language in front of me, I automatically assume they're talking about me and give them a dirty look just to let them know I'm on to them.

   Some people need to learn that the right to remain silent pertains to posting on Facebook too.

   on dec 21st all the power companies should shut off the power for 10 minutes just to make people flip out

   Actually saw two young people talking today. Parents must have grounded them from their phones.

   Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?

   I hate when I'm admiring my good looks from a car's window reflection and the people inside think I'm staring at them.

   Fact: Ten out of ten people die. Don't take life too seriously.

   FB lesson number #1. If you don't want people to in your business, stop posting it on your status.

   Okay guys thats enough. Let's all agree to stop drawing on Lil Wayne while he's passed out drunk.

   Hey..........all the political and media people are in Iowa. If we could somehow fence it off, this is our chance to start a new society. Who's down???

   If you don't already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.

   I've been knocking for ten minutes. Don't people answer their bathroom windows anymore?

   Last night when I was drunk I asked a cat if it could talk, it replied! "Me? How?"

   A lot of people assume when you laugh while texting someone, it's because what they said is funny. But in most cases, you're laughing at what YOU said because you're just that freaking hilarious.

   I'm fairly certain people are out there deliberately driving their cars around slow & aimlessly with the sole purpose of f*cking with me

   says: Is it just me or do all the people in "The Snuggie" commercials look like they are in a cult???