Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides stay drunk.

   Wow! The economy is so bad people are even stealin from Dr.Suess now!

   That's for caring enough to tell everyone on the internet how much you don't care about what people think about you, people that care.

   People who care what everyone thinks--"I don't care what anyone thinks!"

   People who say stuff like "everyday is a new day" are also the same fools who say sh*t like "apples are fruits" and "women are humans"

   Did the dinosaurs on the Flintstones know that they could eat the people instead of working for them?

   So, where are the "Why does the military only get one day" people? I mean surely if its important and they care, surely theyd mention it in the last 3 months, right?

   “The cemetery is full of people who thought they could change themselves tomorrow.”

   I don't want the vaccine but I'll get mad if it's given to others in need, because Jesus taught us that helping other people in need is stupid.

   I hate it when homeless people shake their cups of change at me. Like yes, I know you have more money than I do, no need to brag about it.

   So, you people disrespect restaurant food service workers. You also say $2.13 per hour is too much and if they don't like it they should find another job. Now, your local restaurant is closed. Cry me a river.

   After my recent blind taste test, I was arrested and put in a mental institution for eating blind people.

   I don't get why people pay $400 or more a month in child support. According to the Sally Struthers, you can feed a kid for 35 cents a day.

   My dad always told me "Theres 4 kinds of people, Those who can count and those who cant"

   Just Once i’d like to see a Shark wearing a People Tooth Necklace

   There are two types of people in this world, those who finish a joke and those that

   I find it annoying when old people poke me at wedding and say "you'll be next." So I started to do the same thing to them at funerals.

   If you can't do this job drunk, ..... get out of the business !

   It's crazy how people get up at 5 am to workout. I don't even get up at 5 am to pee, I just stay there and suffer...

   Do you suppose Ghosts believe in People?