Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I wonder what happens to facebook accounts of people who pass away.

   Sometimes when I see ugly people at the gym I think, "What's the point? You can't workout the face."

   I bet people working at the U.S treasury make a lot of money. (I write my own jokes)

   Some people believe,we shouldn't say things that offend other people...Well...If my posts offend you then are intended, just for you..!

   Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

   when people refer to "the world's oldest profession" do they mean gardening?...Genesis refers to a Garden of Eden in the beginning

   Old people can sleep through anything. Betting this chainsaw says differently.

   wondering why people say "Bring it!" in a fight. Bring what?

   Many people are afraid of heights. Not me, though. I'm afraid of widths.

   I told you people that Russia was up to no good. But nooooooo, you people wanted to be friends with them for some strange, idiotic reason.

   There's 2 things I hate 1 when people repeat themselves and 2 when people repeat themselves.

   sorry I'm drunk and I posted the same status twice....oopsy!

   wonders why people fart and waste, when you can burp and taste....

   The saddest part in Star Wars history: People rating The Last Jedi low because their shyt fantheories didn't come true.

   80% of people reading this will not find the the mistake in this A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z.

   I can't believe people are watching SOCCER!! It's a bunch of guys running around like crazy, and NEVER scoring! It just reminds me of my high school years!

   Why do people think that Jesus is coming back? It's not like he was nailed to a f-kin boomerang

   Sober ________ and Drunk _________ don't talk. Someone please fill me about last night.

   Why cant I find Stephen Hawkings new techno album 'heaven is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark' on Itunes?????

   Before I get drunk, I wanna wish everyone a happy father's day.