Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Sorry, but your kids don't look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people.

   I have Started a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there

   People who take pictures of them with tons of money and post them on Facebook…………. have no money.

   I don't mind people sneezing in public. It's that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.

   For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O Donnell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O Donnell.

   Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.

   The problem with new year's resolutions is that people aim to high, start small like..."I'm not going to fart in church."

   To hate a person is a waste; half the people you hate don't care, and the other half don't know.

   “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government - lest it come to dominate our lives and interests.” - Patrick Henry

   Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.

   So now people are purposely sucking on cups to enlarge their lips. What more is the apocalypse waiting for?

   Locals are said to be in a state of shock after Police found a stash of guns behind the library in Glasgow yesterday. People of Glasgow did not know they had a library.

   Only ghetto people go to a family party, complain about the food and STILL take 3 plates home.

   I can't help but feel important when someone says there's a special place in hell for people like me.

   There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it's hot.

   People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

   People You May Know = I know none of these people.

   People always demand to know who farted as if they'll decide how disgusted to be based on who's responsible.

   People say that money can't buy happiness. I say I haven't yet secured sufficient funding to conduct a sound study on this subject.

   Thinks that you people are just lucky that I am so terrified of Prison!!