Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   You can look at some people and instantly know they're only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.

   Surround yourself only by people who are going to lift you higher!

   I hate it when people get distracted while they are talking...oooh, look, a butterfly

   People think I'm not very bright because I spell cat with a k: cak.

   you can type up a whole paragraph that doesn't make any sence whatsoever and people will wonder what's wrong with you.. but if you end it with a smiley face. then it's all good." :)

   Everytime she logs onto facebook she feels like she's reading people's diaries. Facebook should change its name to Dear Diary!!!

   If you throw rice at weddings, will asian people throw hotdogs?

   I've gotta have more people in my life that love my elbows.. .

   Do people still leave voice mails?

   We have some people struggling with obesity problems, while others are struggling with poverty and starvation. Sh*t like this is why Jesus is not coming back during our lifetime until we get our act together.

   You Know You Are Too Drunk to Go Trick-or-treating:...When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over... When the door opens, you yell "Trick or...." and you can't remember the rest...

   I think people should make New Years resolutions for NO MORE SELFIES IN BATHROOMS, Seriously you and your toilet are not sexy

   The majority of people who are outraged about Benghazi can't even find Libya on a map. Or knew that Benghazi is in Libya til they read this.

   I've heard of Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine generals but, what in the Hell is the Surgeon general??? What does he do, order people to shoot somebody and then perform surgery? Talk about "job security" huh?

   calling the Secretary of State to notify them he will no longer be carrying an ID; People should know who he is!

   I've come up with a new chapstick that helps fat people lose weight. I call it "Superglue."

   Bike Week: A bunch of lowlifes in need of a bath, riding around drunk, causing traffic jams, clogging up restaurants for no apparent reason other than to drive local residents up the wall with loud noise.

   Last night I got so drunk that I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you.... but I've never driven a bus before.

   Blind people dont skydive because it would scare the shit out of there dog

   I'm sick of people comparing Freddie Mercury to God. I mean, the guy was pretty good, but he was no Freddie Mercury.