Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like.

   How in the hell do people spell your name wrong on facebook when it's right in front of them?!

   Some people cry when they cut onions. I try not to form an emotional bond.

   Dear Lord; If my happiness bothers some people, please give them their own happiness so they wont bother hating on mine.

   When I was a kid I thought room service was for rich people. Now I realize it's for lazy, hungover people who can't find their pants.

   Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don't make the rules people.

   If you are one of those people on Facebook that does the little "Questions about people?" apps... Before you post one on my wall... Do me a BIG favor... Look in the mirror and hit yourself in the head with a hammer one time for me... Thanks!!! /:)

   Sometimes I fake dumbness just to see how far people will go with their lies.

   Part of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don't listen to that guy. He's drunk."

   I have a lot of people in my phone with the last name "FromTheBar".

   If I ever go missing I want my picture on a 40 oz beer rather than a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.

   Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, "I don't know. I don't speak Chinese." Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means.

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't spell.

   Try this for fun: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "Sorry for the damage." Watching them is priceless.

   Went to the movies. There must have been 400 people. Most of them were not there to see the movie, but to compete in a popcorn box and chocolate wrapper rustling competition. Others came to cough.

   If someone calls you a freak just thank them. Nothing throws people off like a proud, polite freak.

   hates it when he goes to a Vuvuzela concert and people start playing football...

   10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.

   wondering, how many rich people in Nigeria is there? Cause every day, according to my emails, at least 5 die & want to leave me their money...

   "I'd hit that" -old people who drive