Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't.

   You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.

   Dracula + Tinkerbell = Edward Cullen. He is not a VAMPIRE. He doesn't feed on PEOPLE, he lives in the forest, and he sparkles. He is CLEARLY a Fairy.

   Due to the holiday my status will be closed... I Will reopen tomorrow at 8am. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.. Enjoy your day people!!

   Thinks its funny when people read someone elses status & start to wonder if it has something to do with them.

   Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

   There are so many people looking for Bin Laden, I think they should also search for Joyce Dewitt from Three's Company. She vanished over 20 years ago. Not even TMZ seem to know where she is.

   You're one of those people who pushes when the door says pull aren't you?

   it's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now sounds a little better than, it's 1:15, I'm trashed & horny...

   Facebook is basically a crazy house. People poke each other all day, have an imaginary pet, farm, and city, talk to walls, and have random arguments with people.

   When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.

   Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you're fired"

   Do you want people to accept you as you are? Or do you want them to like you?

   Why is it that I have to take medication to stop myself from slapping people who need to take medication?

   The VMA's is the only day out of every year that MTV pretends to care about music.. Then its back to the pregnant teens, jersey people in italy, and sweet 16 birthday parties

   When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from google know it's urgent.

   Judging by how many people brazenly wander into traffic while staring at their phone, there must be some force-field app I don't know about.

   Dont worry people, you can still wear your LiveStrong braclets. Just cross out the V.

   Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.

   People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.