Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   My parents are great people, except when they invite their crazy relatives

   I forgive people immediately, after Karma gets them for me.

   What bores me is repetition, i.e. when people repeat themselves. It's boring and repetitive. Boring. Like repetitive posts. They bore me.

   That drunk girl that steals my phone and pretends to be me on here every weekend is coming over tonight

   I've never got tired of loving people. I do get tired of putting up bullsh*t, dogsh*t, catsh*t they show after getting the attention.

   With 7 billion people in the world now, telling a girl she’s one in a million doesn’t cut it anymore as it just means you have 999 other options.

   The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

   If I was a billionaire, I would fly all over the world in my private jet helping poor people, feeding hungry kids, and b itches.

   I would hurt the people that I love for a taco right now.

   Who do you hate the most: people who post about their gym workouts or people who post about every time they go to church?

   For some reason the British people have been complaining that they had to donate 20% of their entire economy to the European Economic Union ..... How selfish of them.

   you either dated people in middle school or you’re funny now

   People who get drunk after one beer: what's it like, being criminally insane?

   Liars are like regular people except I want to hit them with a baseball bat.

   When you dial somebody on a Google phone, is there an "I'm Feeling Lucky" button? That would be great for single people....

   The only reason I don't lie to people is because I don't want anyone thinking I like them enough to care about not hurting their feelings.

   Always be upfront with your feelings and not lead people on.

   I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.

   wondering if Saddam ever said to Osama 'What you need to do is employ people who look exactly like you so they can be found instead.'

   People who use anagram solver apps so they can always win at 'Words With Friends' I have one for you.....RHCTAETE