Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   For all you people wanting to say that the lights went off bc of the illuminati, your wrong! Teddy P said "Turn out the lights" and when he says turn out the lights, you turn out the damn lights!

   You yield at a circle intersection, you don't stop if there is nobody in the circle people!

   I love when people see me and say..." Ohh I've been meaning to call you.. But lost your number.." B itch my number hasn't changed in 10 yrs! It should be implanted into your brain cells!

   Apparently putting Alka Seltzers in my mouth while getting "born again" and pretending I'm possessed by the Devil is not so funny to "non drunk people".

   The problem with quotes by famous people you read online is anyone could have brought them. Thomas Edison,

   Tryna see how I’m finna split 8$ between 17 people for Christmas 🥴..

   If people ask how many kids you have don't say negative two. No one wants to hear about your abortions.

   I will believe corporations are people when Texas executes one

   I wonder how many of the people who don't like that anti religion staus really go to church every Sunday and give atleast 10% of there income to the church. I bet not many

   Today when you are looking at your pay-stub, keep in mind that the 48 million people on welfare like you!!

   gave old clothes for Haïti today. It's not much but it's much more helpful than prayers. People in Haïti don't need your useless prayers. They need concrete help!

   If you don't know your drinking LIMIT, please DON'T GO OUT!! No need to get all drunk and act like a bada$$. Hey, i'm just trying to help you out.

   Who know why there are so Many Birthdays in October? Simply because valentine day was nine months Ago people who are born in this month most be called fruit of love ;)

   I'm very curious to see how many people still believe Trump when Trump said that past presidents told him that they wanted to build a wall, when the past four living presidents publicly announced that they never said no such thing to him.

   Can you imagine the outrage if Obama had refused to share his taxes with the people?

   Yoga, because farting in private is for fat people.

   I burn 95% of my calories removing gray and unwanted hairs from my head, face, ears and nose and the other 5% flipping people off while I'm driving......

   "Hit her with a chair!" ~Drunk guy watching fifty shades of grey probably

   I asked for a glass of cold water from my drunk af friend I found him with a cup in the microwave. I told him "I said cold water whys it in the microwave?" He replied "we didn't have any cold water, so I'm melting ice for you" l

   If you start caring about yourself than people will also start caring about you.