Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People who say marriage is only between a man and a woman underestimate my love for pizza.

   In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said the Bible is the most influential book she's ever read. Some people think she might be pandering to Southern Christian voters. Then Hillary said, "Oh come on y'all — little ol' me?"

   "I wasn't that drunk" "Dude you made your girlfriend a sandwich."

   Thinks that there should be handicapped parking for drunk and stoned people..just saying.

   I swear to drunk I am not god

   loves Halloween, as people dont mind your garden looking scary

   Everything in this world seems to be made for right handed people...it's so frustrating for someone like me who's underhanded.

   Uncle sam & all his relatives gotta take a piece of my paycheck. Half of these people I don't even know what they do...like who the hell is FICA???

   Stretch before sex , lots of people get hurt like that.

   When it gets dark early, the universe dares the drunk within me to get started.

   You know, many people have an artificial Christmas tree so they can use it year after year to save money. Why not do the same thing with roses on Valentine's Day. You can leave them up until Easter- maybe hang some Hershey's Kisses on them. Quite festive.

   I have met many people who had no clothes.....and I have met a lot of clothes, inside of which there were no people.....

   Some people would make horrible serial killers because they wouldn't be able to resist the urge to take pics of their victims and murder scenes and post them on their FB and tagging people in it.

   whenever I see a can of Glen 20, I think to myself "do you reckon that's Ben 10's older brother?" Then I laugh. And wonder how other people put up with me.

   THANKSGIVING DAY = A day when you sit uncomfortably between two people on a long flight so you can sit uncomfortably between two people and eat a meal while people say negative things about each other and start a fight. >>>

   Do depressed people know they can watch bums fight over a bag of Doritos on You Tube?

   Most people my age are older than me.

   The world would be a better place if a certain group of people would be more tolerant. I'm speaking to the lactose intolerant people out there. Stop the hate.

   For all you people wanting to say that the lights went off bc of the illuminati, your wrong! Teddy P said "Turn out the lights" and when he says turn out the lights, you turn out the damn lights!

   You yield at a circle intersection, you don't stop if there is nobody in the circle people!