Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.

   When you get on Facebook it's either you're stalking people or playing farmville!

   I remember the good old days when Nigerians were just scamming people on the internet...

   I bet the homeless are really nice people. They never wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

   I think its so cheesey when people get all mushy & lovey dovey with their facebook status... on another note~ my boyfriend is the best, he is cute, sweet, sexy, handsome, makes me laugh, has the sexiest voice, makes me smile everyday

   If you don't listen to songs you loved in high school while you're drunk & cry as you text your HS gym teacher, than neither do I.

   thinks that iPad is an iPod for fat people.

   Basiji, in Iran, calls "Death To America" not the whole nation – Basijis are some minority brain-washed people like you who wrote this statement. The Radical party intimidates - forces - people and brings them to street.

   I LOVE JESUS, you don't have to be a bitter atheist about it, I'm just expressing my sentiment with the majority of the people here. I LOVE JESUS

   Now wait a minute, y'all This status ain't for everybody?"Only the sexy people. So all you fly mothers, get on out there and “Like” “Like”, I said!"

   I have so many questions for people in lesbian marriages. Like, who is the wife and who is the husband? Who buys who flowers? Who opens doors for the who? Who leaves the toilet seat up? Who makes who a sandwich? Who just sits on the sofa watching sport?

   Really now... a show called: "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."

   if a funeral possession is at night, do people drive with their lights off???

   Just took a dump and thought to myself... What did people do before iPhones? How awkward it must have been reading them huge newspapers.

   Why do people look up when they think?

   Statistics show that 50% of people get tattoes solely for the purpose of diverting attention from their ugliness.

   good joke today...single people change ur realtionship status to "in a relation". when friends ask who it is say "april....April Fools"

   Text REDCROSS to 90999 to help the tornado victims. (This is a status we all should put up today to help these poor people)

   No matter how old I get, I think mooning people will always be hilarious.

   Dear Lord, if you can't give me a six pack, at least give this other people a pot-belly...thanks!