Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Beer commercials never show anyone drunk. Not after a divorce, being fired or losing a child in a tragic loose trophy shelf accident.

   So what if you have a boyfriend! You don't see me going up to people in wheelchairs reminding them that they can't walk!

   I really think I am gonna get a knock on my front door one day and the person saying "We have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"

   I just heard Steve Jobs Resigned from Apple Computers. His last thing to show people today was called a iquit.....

   few people know that "trump" is a Russian word meaning "tiny handed buffoon who can't close the deal."

   So I'm home alone and heard a noise and got scared so I decided to get drunk. Then I made about 80 quesadillas SO NOW I'm trying to sell them and put Taco Bell out of business...Tell your friends!!

   I don't know why it's so hard for ugly people to get laid. Just get together with each other. Problem solved.

   I wasnt that drunk...... "Dude, you yelled Team Jacob to my dog!"

   saw a suburban 'biker' (Ha!) with a sticker on his helmet that said "Americans Never Forget". He then thought about people clamoring for Sarah Palin to be President and thought to himself "Americans DO forget. Oh, yes indeed, they do.".

   BBC News: AMERICA TO SEND 2 NUCLEAR EXPERTS TO JAPAN. The last time they sent "Nuclear Experts" to Japan, they killed 105,000 people...

   n't it funny that 60 years ago, the British Empire took over half the World and any people who protested were shot immediately...yet, now they can't control a bunch of rioters in their own Country?

   You know your drunk when you get home from the bar, then grab and throw your hamster yelling "go pikachu!"

   How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?

   making friends and influencing people

   Don't you hate when people call your name 20 times..... Then end up saying "NEVERMIND"? Nah, you gonna tell me SOMEthing.

   Checking In' on Facebook Places is really just another way of people showing other people how much better their day is/was than yours.

   hates being called handsome. If a twosome is s*x between 2 people, threesome being s*x between three people, etc...then you get my point!

   There are people who are only alive thanks to the fact that killing is illegal

   New research says you can detect someone's personality from their smell. Turns out most people are jerks who punch you for sniffing them.

   Political views are like children. Some people don't have one or want one. Others keep trying to show theirs off.