Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I hate it when people belittle other people's problems just because they're not as bad as some. No matter the gravity, they're still problems, and people have a right to be sad.

   If I worked in a restaurant and people asked for coke, I would just hand them a rolled up dollar and say "excellent choice there madam"

   Sunglasses; they allow you to stare at people without being caught..

   My life must be a circus. My family expects me to jump through hoops, the people I work with are clowns, I'm juggling career and personal life, and the whole darn thing is a balancing act!

   Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?

   Apple has a new device out for Chinese people. The 'iOpener'

   i wasn't that drunk ?!!! dude you threw a toothpick in the forest, and yelled "ur home "

   Freedom comes with wisdom, and no religion wants people to be free.

   It's funny to me when people say all blondes are dumb because not all guys are blondes!?!?!

   ‎69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.,

   If you take god out of religion, it's just a bunch of people hoping their favorite football team wins.

   People all upset about someone not standing while wearing hats about how America sucks and voting a draft dodger.

   Lol religious people are nuts

   Why is it I always get on an airplane to ultimately get seated between someone that doesn't believe in deodorant and someone that weighs 300lbs? This is why people hate flying

   enjoying a stiff one. A stiff drink, you dirty-minded people!

   Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.

   You know perfect people are annoying because it is difficult to take advantage of them

   People who eat fries with a knife and a fork Do you put gloves on before sex too

   When people call me smart, I'm just thankful they're not around to see me turn the wrong burner on the stove every-single-time!!

   I am sorry for what I said when I was....... Drunk, naked and horny while laying on your front lawn.