Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Are you all done with your Christmas shopping? I bought a lot more people gifts this year than I thought I did. You know why? I used my credit card at Target.

   A taser, but for when people try to talk about their feelings.

   People will trust you more if you end every conversation with, “May god be with you”

   Alot of people cry when they chop onions.. The trick is to not form an emotional bond.

   I dont listen, I just watch people talk.

   Instead of judging people on their past, judge them on the awful decisions they make today.

   Old people sure have a way of making eating look sad.

   if people around you are being negative, be extra positive & cancel them out

   If I ever go blind, I'll wear two eyepatches, so people will just assume I am a double pirate.

   My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I'm telling people she's my girlfriend.

   I heard that people who talk to themselves tend to be extremely smart. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that.

   I almost bet the people on the outside of the ark were talking crap as well...

   I almost had a 3som last night, I just needed 2 more people.

   Hate it when my finger pokes through the toilet paper mid-wipe. Other than that, I've enjoyed my first week working at the old people's home

   I can't stand the fact that people are so obsessed with this movie Frozen! They need to "Let it go...let it gooooo.

   Why don't blind people go skydiving? Because it scares the hell out of their dog.

   obviously all these people hatin on Occupy wall street HAVE a job.

   Don't religious people have the same said "blog" where they can be stupid without boring the rest of US? How "Christian" to talk crap about others...religious people are some of the BIGGEST hypocrites and most judgmental people I know of.

   Can't stand when people quote music lyrics in their status. we know how the song goes, we already heard it 500 million times on the radio. but "Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars," "ops I did it again," "somebody call 9

   The people in 1920 probably thought in 2020 we would have our own space ships and robots... but no. So far we've come up with two-sided tape and rubber bands shaped like animals.