Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I just invented a new game in the office called “I can guess what your new year resolution will be” but fat people don’t want to play :(

   I don't know who all these people in stock photos are, but I've never met anyone who was so happy to be in a meeting.

   Money does not change people it only shows their true character whether being generous or selfish

   What people call Pharmaceutical doctors, I call legal drug dealers. Medically certified to kill you. *Ask your doctor if this status is right for you*

   I don't think allowing the mentally I'll people to obtain guns is making America great. Now I don't feel safe anymore.

   wondering what to do for valentines day......... other than get drunk and listen to Joy Division while engaging in auto erotic asphyxiation to a discovery channel documentary regarding the breeding habits of the Fiordland Crested Penguin.

   I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.

   there are three kinds of people in this world. those who can count...and those who can't!

   thinks it's odd that people justify deer heads on their walls by saying they're beautiful animals. Hmmm.... I think my wife is beautiful.

   It looks like the same people who hate science are also hating math now.

   thinks that Obama may just get into the Guiness Book of World records for "Most People Screwed in a Single Day"...

   I am only writing this so people wont think I'm loney while sitting at the bar by myseld....

   I think that in hell everyone is drunk but you.

   These people who came up with this "B1ng" search engine in hopes to compete with G00gle remind me of that company that came up with the Z une trying to compete with the I Pod.

   Umm...you people who live up north whining about the cold weather umm....you umm live up north.

   I really hate it when people constantly need reassurance. You know what I mean?

   I don't think the American people will ever unite and get along.

   Twitter is going to 280 characters? That is so awesome, T rum p can now piss off twice as many people.

   I know the Students have returned to school, But when did our once funny site become a Agony Aunt, lighten up people. Personal problems are Personal !!

   Everyone wants to say this is gangster and that's gangster but nobody has the ballz to actually be a gangster and put in some work! I am one of those people!